Tiki-Taka

Las Condes, Santiago de Chile. 15.35.

Confession – in case it wasn’t obvious. Definitely *not* a regular follower of football here. But I thought I’d keep writing as the match goes on, since it’s such an important game – and today, the eyes of the world are on Spain. That’s as good an excuse as any to write.


15.35

What a shedload of advertising. I’m not sure what the good folks back home are seeing, but I’m here in Chile, watching the final on DSports, which seems to have a shamelessly Argentinian inclination: every time the ball is in their possession, the commentator bursts out into a stream of mantra-esque “VAMOS ARGENTINA VAMOS SELECCIÓN”. We also get all the ad breaks the American have shoved into the game, though I’m not sure how effective they really are. When was the last time you saw a vehicle lubricant advertised on the sideboard of a football game and thought to yourself “damn, I really should oil my car”.


16.15

What in blazes is this – the Muppets on drums? BTS? Madonna and Justin Bieber? Some sort of bizarre We are the World knockoff by Coldplay? Bad Bunny was noticeably missing, but then, with Mr Trump in the audience – who is not exactly his biggest fan – I can’t imagine he was top of the invite list.

At least Shakira made it a half-time show worth watching… almost. Given that it’s a final between two Hispanic teams, it seems only right that there should be a Spanish-language song front and centre. Would they have done something similar in French if France had made it through?


16.45

I’ve definitely seen more entertaining games. What is interesting is how aggressive this one seems to be – that is, the Argentinians. I can’t really tell what’s going on, but Spain seem to be very much in control… when the Argentinian players aren’t getting off lightly for pushing and shoving. There was a bizarre scene where they seemed to take Michael Buffer’s opening ceremony instructions rather literally and started a rumble right in front of the referee. And yet – only a yellow card. I get that they’re allowing more handsy behaviour than usual in the interests of momentum, but if they didn’t have so many ad breaks, that wouldn’t really be a problem in the first place…

Come on Spain – don’t let them get to you! You can do this!!


17.15

So much pressure! The Argentinian goalie is properly earning his salary, but the aggression from the Argentinian side is reaching fever pitch. And with all the extra time they keep adding, this game is beginning to feel like death by a thousand cuts. I hope the Spaniards can keep up the pressure as the clock drags on.


17.38

This has got to be, without a doubt, the most frustrating game I’ve seen in ages. Only the Clásico I watched back in 2021 that ended in 0-0 comes close. It just seems to be going round and round in circles. Spain keeps breaking on Argentina’s defence like waves upon a beach – and the referee’s judgements are not helping.

The only person in this game who doesn’t seem to be tiring in the slightest is our Argentine commentator, who is filled with the loudest possible conviction that Argentina are going to win this. Would that anyone on the pitch shared his zeal – we might have seen a goal by now!


17.50

Finally! One goal from Torres and suddenly the entire momentum of this final has gone into overdrive. No more tiki-taka – the time for that has passed. Now it’s hell for leather from both sides as Argentina fights to get back in control and Spain take more and more chances to drive home their advantage.

If I had even the first idea of how football works, I reckon it would be really fun to be a sports reporter. As it is, I’m sure my comments are about as valid as Harry Kane narrating an episode of Springwatch. Still – it’s fun to go out of your comfort zone every once in a while.

I did want a Hispanic final while I was in Chile, and that is exactly what I have got. Now Spain just have to dig in.

Five minutes have been added. The shadows are lengthening. The commentator seems to only have two words left in his vocabulary and one of them is Argentina. There are only minutes left on the clock. Come on Spain!


18.05

¡Toma ya! Spain have done it!

Mixed feelings, to be honest. I really do feel for Messi. Some of his teammates have been utter thugs, but against any other team I might have been rooting for him. The Golden Boot is now beyond his reach, I think, and it would have been such a high to go out on had Argentina won this match.

But I have to hand it to Spain – what an endurance match for the ages. Twenty attempts at a goal before Torres punted it in. We have absolutely earned that win through tactics and pure skill. Argentina fought bloody hard to stop us at every turn but the boys in red finally managed to break through.


Well – that’s enough sports commentary from this novice for now. First day at work tomorrow, and I still have no idea what to expect. Will it be three weeks of meetings, lesson observations, or will I be a glorified work experience boy, sent to fetch the coffee? Time will tell! BB x

Polo’s Bastards

With my summer plans in a near-constant state of flux, I thought it about time to set a few things straight. This time last year I still wasn’t sure what I’d be doing for the summer of 2016. By all rights, I figured I was still lumped with another two months in Jordan. Since then, it’s bottled about through three weeks in South Africa, chilling out at Olvera’s August feria, hiking the Sultan’s trail from Bucharest to Istanbul, crossing the Pyrenees from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean, ten days in Romania, another ten in Egypt and, somewhere, completing my four month minimum in Tetouan, Morocco.

Understandably, my brain is a bit of a clusterfuck at the moment. It’s partly because of that that I accidentally booked a hotel for the wrong night in Chefchaouen and had to pay an obscene 95€ just to cancel, it being less than fifteen days until our visit now. (This is why I prefer to stay in cheap-o hostels, people…) And it’s unnecessary expenses like that that make me reconsider.

So this is me, reconsidering. Let this exploration of yours truly’s very own version of Polo’s Bastards stand testament to any further meanderings. The following ten countries, in ascending order, are the top ten on my hit-list. And they aren’t exactly the easiest. (Spain, for various reasons, is not included – call me easily pleased, but it’d invariably take the top spot).

Southern Morocco

10

Tafraoute, Morocco

This one’s on the list despite the fact that I’ve already been because I was only there for five days or so, and it’s worth an adventure in its own right. Morocco’s south is famous for the Sahara, for Erg Chebbi and the reasonably easily-accessible camel treks that set out into the dunes from Merzouga. Morocco is such a diverse country, and merits proper exploration of each of its three zones – the Rif, the High Atlas and the Anti-Atlas – independently. It’s the south that bowled me over, not least of all Taroudant, by far the most charming city I encountered when I trekked from Agadir to Fes. It’s also the home of Abderraman Rajji, the kind old Berber who offered his house to Archie and I. Tafraoute in particular has been calling out to me ever since. The way things are going, I might even consider exploring the south some more in September…

Yemen

The Republic of Yemen

Jebel Shugruf, Yemen

You’re mad. No, seriously, you’re insane. But Yemen has been my top Arabic destination since the very get-go, being one of the contenders for both Sheba and the most beautiful country in the world in my books (it may or may not have something to do with having so much in common with the country in the top spot on my list). Since it’s been a war-zone for so very long and many parts are still tribal – the two may or may not go hand in hand – much of the country has been spared the glass-and-cement arm that has scarred so much of the Gulf. Not to mention the gorgeous, Ali Baba-esque mountaintop towns. Wallahi.

Democratic Republic of Congo

Mount Nyiragongo  tourism destinations

Mount Nyiragongo, Democratic Republic of Congo

I’ve been within a stone’s throw of the DRC twice. On both occasions I had this mad urge to throw caution to the wind and cross the border. Fortunately, a crocodile-infested river stopped me the first time and a hundred miles of unchecked jungle stopped me the second. Needless to say, my appetite is whetted. This is the true African stereotype, Conrad’s dark zone, peppered with active volcanoes glowing red in the night – and at the risk of further destroying any faith you had in my sanity, it’s the danger of the place that attracts me so. Doesn’t the name alone sound so powerful?

Argentina

7

Tierra del Fuego, Argentina

A curiously mainstream addition to the list, I’ve had just about enough of seeing the same mountain range on the front of Lonely Planet, National Geographic and Wanderlust magazine – and have therefore decided that it must feature on this list. Patagonia looks so very crumpled and torn apart that it’s almost unnatural. I’ve been in love with mountains my whole life, and Argentina’ Tierra del Fuego represents possibly one of the most perfect mountain ranges in the world, picture-perfect in every way. And hey – they speak Spanish!

Egypt

6

Abu Simbel, Egypt

Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to see the Pyramids? Or the Sphinx? Or the Valley of the Kings? Egypt was my fall-back for Arabic until the Arab Spring ruined everything… now it’s been relegated to the dust of lost dreams, which is rather fitting, though it’s resurfaced from the sand of late in light of the summer flux. My only issue with Egypt is the package-y nature of it. If I could go, I’d rather backpack it – and that is the first leg of Cairo to Cape Town. That really would be an adventure and a half!

India

5

Mehrangarh Fort, Rajasthan

One word: Rajasthan. Land of desert forts, of rose sunsets, of dark-eyed mysteries. It’s the realm of the Far Pavilions‘ Bhithor (I think) and of Valmik Thapar’s Desert Kingdoms episode of Land of the Tiger. Southeast Asia may be the flavour of the month for most backpackers, but I’d eschew the Thailand-Cambodia-Vietnam trail for a month in Rajasthan alone anyday. India’s so massive and so diverse that you’d need more than three months to fully appreciate the place. And some day, I intend to do just that.

Ireland

4

Murder Hole, Donegal

I have absolutely no idea why or how County Donegal made it onto this list. One day it simply seized my brain and became the country of origin of my princess. I guess it all spun out from there; that, and that damned gorgeous accent they have up there in Ulster. Ireland’s a damned sight closer than any of the countries on this list (and is also, consequentially, the only European entry), but the only thing holding me back is the expense of traveling around; a fair hike compared to the others. Even so, I doubt it’ll be long before I’m drawn out to the Emerald Isle.

Cameroon

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Rhumsiki, Cameroon

As well as my madcap desires concerning Cairo to Cape Town, I have this less ambitious but no less adventurous urge to visit each of Africa’s four corners: North, South, East and West. Having seen central Africa already, I’m chomping at the bit to see the rest of it. It’s first on the list of countries I’d consider volunteering in, since I reckon it would really merit getting to know on a more human basis than backpacking could ever provide. It also has a serious bushmeat trade problem that I feel strongly about. On top of that, Cameroon has all that I love about Africa: fantastic food, spectacular countryside, great apes and a dark history. It’s also a necessary stopping point since one of my novels takes place here. Let’s just call it ‘essential research’.

South Africa

3

The Drakensberg, Kwa-Zulu Natal

Words cannot describe my love for this country that I’ve never been to. I’ve waxed lyrical enough about the land of Quatermain, of P.K., my ex-girlfriend and the Zulus before, so I won’t go on about it. What I will say is that I came with a hair’s breadth of going this year, barred only because my bank wouldn’t let me pay for both my flights and my brother’s in one go. Taking it as a message from above, I backed down. But only for a run-up. I’m not even close to the door yet.

Ethiopia

1

Gelada Baboon in the Simien Mountains, Ethiopia

Truly, Ethopia must be the King of Africa. It’s Africa with castles, with Gods-in-the-flesh and sulphur fields. The people are – in my humble opinion – probably the most beautiful in the whole world, being a striking blend of Arab and African. I had a three-hour layover in Addis en route to Uganda four years ago and I guess it started there – there, or a few hours before, when our plane came down out of the clouds and I saw Africa for the very first time, a paradise of rolling plains that gave way to spectacular waterfalls and blood-red cliffs. The Simien Mountains also top the list for me in terms of beautiful mountain ranges… and I haven’t even got onto Harar’s hyena-men. Then there’s Erta Ale, Gondar, Addis Ababa herself, the Omo Valley… Ethiopia simply has everything – and less tourists than the other African giants. Perfection. All I’m waiting for here is another like-minded adventurer to join me and I’m there. Just you wait, Ethiopia. Just you wait.

There. When you’re struggling for an idea as to where to go next in a couple of weeks, or months, or a year, return here. These are my top ten. And one day, come Hell or high water, I’ll have seen them all. BB x