Tiki-Taka

Las Condes, Santiago de Chile. 15.35.

Confession – in case it wasn’t obvious. Definitely *not* a regular follower of football here. But I thought I’d keep writing as the match goes on, since it’s such an important game – and today, the eyes of the world are on Spain. That’s as good an excuse as any to write.


15.35

What a shedload of advertising. I’m not sure what the good folks back home are seeing, but I’m here in Chile, watching the final on DSports, which seems to have a shamelessly Argentinian inclination: every time the ball is in their possession, the commentator bursts out into a stream of mantra-esque “VAMOS ARGENTINA VAMOS SELECCIÓN”. We also get all the ad breaks the American have shoved into the game, though I’m not sure how effective they really are. When was the last time you saw a vehicle lubricant advertised on the sideboard of a football game and thought to yourself “damn, I really should oil my car”.


16.15

What in blazes is this – the Muppets on drums? BTS? Madonna and Justin Bieber? Some sort of bizarre We are the World knockoff by Coldplay? Bad Bunny was noticeably missing, but then, with Mr Trump in the audience – who is not exactly his biggest fan – I can’t imagine he was top of the invite list.

At least Shakira made it a half-time show worth watching… almost. Given that it’s a final between two Hispanic teams, it seems only right that there should be a Spanish-language song front and centre. Would they have done something similar in French if France had made it through?


16.45

I’ve definitely seen more entertaining games. What is interesting is how aggressive this one seems to be – that is, the Argentinians. I can’t really tell what’s going on, but Spain seem to be very much in control… when the Argentinian players aren’t getting off lightly for pushing and shoving. There was a bizarre scene where they seemed to take Michael Buffer’s opening ceremony instructions rather literally and started a rumble right in front of the referee. And yet – only a yellow card. I get that they’re allowing more handsy behaviour than usual in the interests of momentum, but if they didn’t have so many ad breaks, that wouldn’t really be a problem in the first place…

Come on Spain – don’t let them get to you! You can do this!!


17.15

So much pressure! The Argentinian goalie is properly earning his salary, but the aggression from the Argentinian side is reaching fever pitch. And with all the extra time they keep adding, this game is beginning to feel like death by a thousand cuts. I hope the Spaniards can keep up the pressure as the clock drags on.


17.38

This has got to be, without a doubt, the most frustrating game I’ve seen in ages. Only the Clásico I watched back in 2021 that ended in 0-0 comes close. It just seems to be going round and round in circles. Spain keeps breaking on Argentina’s defence like waves upon a beach – and the referee’s judgements are not helping.

The only person in this game who doesn’t seem to be tiring in the slightest is our Argentine commentator, who is filled with the loudest possible conviction that Argentina are going to win this. Would that anyone on the pitch shared his zeal – we might have seen a goal by now!


17.50

Finally! One goal from Torres and suddenly the entire momentum of this final has gone into overdrive. No more tiki-taka – the time for that has passed. Now it’s hell for leather from both sides as Argentina fights to get back in control and Spain take more and more chances to drive home their advantage.

If I had even the first idea of how football works, I reckon it would be really fun to be a sports reporter. As it is, I’m sure my comments are about as valid as Harry Kane narrating an episode of Springwatch. Still – it’s fun to go out of your comfort zone every once in a while.

I did want a Hispanic final while I was in Chile, and that is exactly what I have got. Now Spain just have to dig in.

Five minutes have been added. The shadows are lengthening. The commentator seems to only have two words left in his vocabulary and one of them is Argentina. There are only minutes left on the clock. Come on Spain!


18.05

¡Toma ya! Spain have done it!

Mixed feelings, to be honest. I really do feel for Messi. Some of his teammates have been utter thugs, but against any other team I might have been rooting for him. The Golden Boot is now beyond his reach, I think, and it would have been such a high to go out on had Argentina won this match.

But I have to hand it to Spain – what an endurance match for the ages. Twenty attempts at a goal before Torres punted it in. We have absolutely earned that win through tactics and pure skill. Argentina fought bloody hard to stop us at every turn but the boys in red finally managed to break through.


Well – that’s enough sports commentary from this novice for now. First day at work tomorrow, and I still have no idea what to expect. Will it be three weeks of meetings, lesson observations, or will I be a glorified work experience boy, sent to fetch the coffee? Time will tell! BB x

Back to Reality

Las Condes, Santiago de Chile. 18.27.

Well, that’s enough mad adventuring for one week. I’m back in Santiago and watching an extremely interesting third place playoff between England and France, which looked at first to be an unexpected humiliation but now it seems it could really swing either way. Vamos, futbolista no soy, but I can appreciate that it’s a very good game that’s being played, even if the news this morning was full of prideful disdain about the very idea of playing for third place.


I checked my work emails for the first time since setting out for Patagonia this morning. I really hate doing so during the holidays – work is all-consuming enough during term-time as it is, without it eating into my holidays – but leaving it unread for more than a week is far, far worse. I’m absolutely the type that needs a clean inbox with no unread messages whatsoever, so it was reassuring that the only messages I’d had in that time were the daily reports about the boarders’ internet usage (which, as you might imagine, is utterly useless for the next eight weeks).

I had a proper rest this morning, relishing the fact that I didn’t need to go rushing off anywhere. One of my ears is still stuffy from the altitude, but with any luck it’ll go away in a few days or so.

In the meantime, Tomás has given me my own key to the house and took me to Jumbo, the largest supermarket in the area, to buy some Chilean snacks for me to try but also to pick up any supplies I might have missed (like razors, for example). After over a week without shaving, it does feel good to be moustache-less once again.


It’s always interesting exploring a supermarket in another country. Target is still up at the top of the most iconic supermarkets I’ve encountered, if only because it was just so effortlessly American – and, of course, I’d heard about it and seen it referred to in so much American media before.

In its supermarkets – much like everything else – Chile feels altogether more European than, say, Peru. Self checkouts, online shopping pickup points… it’s all very familiar. There are some notable differences: namely, the bored guards watching the car park both below and outside from high seats that look more like misplaced lifeguard stations. Chile is often touted as one of the safest destinations in South America, but that might well have something to do with the expected level of security. Where I’m staying in leafy suburban Las Condes, so many of the properties are locked away behind electronic gates and door buzzers. Is it really safer, or are people here just a lot more cautious by nature?


It’s currently 3:4 to England. It really could go either way. Tomorrow’s game is the one that really matters, though, and it looks like nearly all of Chile will come out in support of their former coloniser, since the alternative is their much-hated neighbour. Though, by the looks of things, Saka is keeping France very much on their toes. 3:5! What a hero.


I’ll sign off here – no need to report more until I have more to report. BB x

Against the Odds

The Flat, 19.20.

Well. That totally did not pan out the way I expected.

Image credit: BBC Sport

I’m not really one for football. When my students ask me what team I support – as boys can be relied upon to do year after year – my answer is a slightly evasive Real Betis, but to be honest, that’s only because of my fondness for the city of Sevilla and the Andalusian colours of its uniform. I couldn’t name you any of their players, nor have I ever watched any of their games.

The World Cup, however, is another matter entirely. Living and working in a boys’ boarding house pretty much demands an investment in the ups and downs of the world’s largest football competition, and with so many underdog teams defying the odds and Mr Trump meddling directly in the politics of the game, this one really has been one to watch.

When England blew past the Democratic Republic of Congo last week to secure a place in the last 32, I’ll admit, I didn’t fancy our chances. Playing vainglorious Mexico on their home turf, and in the high-altitude Estadio Azteca, no less? I really thought it might be a hard-fought but richly-deserved win for El Tri. Watching Judge Bellingham score not one but two goals within the space of a minute was electric here at home, so I can’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like for the small battalion of England fans in the stadium, surrounded by an army of Mexicans in green and white, looking for all the world like Cortes and his Spaniards outnumbered by the Aztecs. I have to admit, by the end of the game, even this dyed-in-the-wool Hispanist was rooting for his home country. It was genuinely one of the best games I’ve seen in a while. I’ve always held up El Clasico as the gold standard, but after the last two Madrid/Barca games I watched ended in 0:0, this year’s World Cup has been a serious breath of fresh air.

Image credit: BBC Sport

I’m actually quite excited about the fact that I’m going to be in the Americas for the grand finale. Granted, Latin America’s involvement in the World Cup has come to an end with their defeat against Kane’s team: the rest of the games are in the unforgivingly tight grip of North America. However, Argentina and Colombia are still in the game, and in a matter of hours, we will know whether Spain or Portugal has made it through to the quarterfinals, so there is hope for the Spanish-speaking world yet. In a World Cup that has been shared with Mexico, that is not an insignificant detail. Given that I will be in Latin America for the next month and a half, it would be pretty electric to see one of the Latin teams make it all the way to the final.

Chile has rodeo, which is a sport I’ve always wanted to see. However, since I’m going in winter, I don’t think that’s something I’m going to achieve in my trip this time. I wouldn’t say no to some kind of sporting spectacle, though. It still surprises me to hear myself say that, but then, I guess my job must be rubbing off on me – and in a good way. It can’t hurt to be a little more open-minded. BB x

Underdog

It’s been quite a ride, following the tail end of the UEFA Euro Championship this year. I’m no football aficionado by any stretch of the imagination – I probably sound like Roger Nouveau’s soccer fan from The Fast Show when I’m ever foolish enough to air an opinion about the Beautiful Game – but I do make a point of checking in once the quarterfinals are underway. Apart from anything else, in a European context, the politics behind the scenes can become very interesting.

This year’s final was a contentious one for me, having both English and Spanish heritage, but I confess myself a Spanish supporter from the off. Never mind their superior performance, I had a lot riding on a Spanish victory and the impact it would have on what is currently a very divided nation, particularly when the Spanish team’s leading lights Yamal and Williams – both the children of immigrants – became a rallying flag for both sides of the political divide.

England played tenaciously last night, but Spain were far and away the stronger side. What saddens me the most is that the match ended in more or less the same disappointing fashion as the last Euros. And I’m not talking about Southgate or the players, who I thought did a phenomenal job.

I’m talking about the reception. About us, as a nation, and how we respond to failure.


Let me take you back to 2021, when Italy dashed England’s hopes of “football coming home”. The nation held its breath during the penalties, before breaking out in disgusting eruptions of prejudice and wounded pride when Rashford, Sancho and Saka all failed to score. I very nearly missed my train home for a mob of red-faced England supporters, beer in hand, chanting all the various Italian dishes that “you can shove […] up your arse”. It wasn’t all that long ago that English football clubs were banned from European competitions for six years after a riot at the Heysel Stadium disaster left thirty-nine dead and around six hundred injured. The Liverpool fans – the worst offenders – were banned for longer still.

We are infamous for the rowdy behaviour of our fans, even beyond Europe: it is telling that the Japanese creators behind Pokémon Sword and Shield (set in a fictionalised version of England) decided to make Team Yell, the box villains of the game, a bunch of noisy, troublemaking hooligans (co-incidentally headquartered in what can only be a fictionalised version of Liverpool).

Things have cooled off a little since then, but our scrappy mentality still remains.


For several days leading up to the final, articles in papers and online were chock-full of references to England’s last cup victory in 1966. Others carried images of Southgate’s hangdog expression, patiently awaiting an end to England’s “58 years of pain” like a state-sponsored Greyfriars Bobby. If it weren’t for the assassination attempt on US Presidential candidate Donald Trump, there would have been room for little else in the media on this side of the Atlantic.

Simply put, we love to play the underdog. As a nation we take some kind of gloomy satisfaction in being the scrappy candidate, the ever-hopeful outsider long starved but nevertheless confident of victory. Perhaps it feeds into our psyche as a little island nation on the edge of a great continent.

A casual glance at the Spanish media in the run-up to Sunday’s game says a lot. I had to dig quite deep into my El País subscription to find an article on the upcoming game (in all fairness, it was competing for airtime with Alcaraz’s equally impressive showing at Wimbledon). That’s not to say that the Spanish cared less for the outcome – quite the opposite, in fact, as my social media feed was awash with ecstatic scenes from Spain mere seconds after the whistle blew – but as a nation they simply don’t make as much of a drama out of the whole affair as we do.

Poor Southgate came in for an immediate hounding after the game. How did he reflect on another heartbreak? Why did he bring Kane off? Is it one disappointment too many? Quite rightly, he fielded the questions as best he could and asked for time for his players who were “hurting” – as anyone would be with such a crushing weight of expectation bearing down on them. Southgate himself remarked that Spain were the better side, and yet the aftermath commentary over on BBC Sport reeled off a cutting self-critique from pundits and armchair experts alike.


We have a morbid obsession with our own failings. Unlike our American cousins, whose hope for the future is always burning bright, we revel in our own mediocrity and the gritty reality it entails. Just compare the US Office to the UK version and you’ll see what I mean.

English pundits and commentators have a nasty habit of discussing their players’ failings during match commentary in a way that is almost uniquely British. Watch a Spanish football game (or any Latin American game for that matter) and there’s no trace of that. I suppose we grow up on a steady diet of cynicism over here: a lot of our finest humour revolves around scathing remarks and cutting witticisms, and that naturally finds its way onto the pitch. Some of our infamous football chants are pretty witty, others are downright abominable and the best are a combination of the two. It’s hard for somebody who is such an acolyte of the waspish humour of the British Isles to properly critique this approach when I find the alternative really rather stale, but one can’t help but listen to the human touch of the Americas and wish we had a sunnier disposition every now and then.


I went off on a proper tangent there – I guess that’s even more proof that journalism was never really on the cards for a career. I guess the point I want to end on is that we could stand to focus less on our own failings and celebrate instead the success of our rivals, who are, after all, living in the same world and sharing the same love for a sport which really does bring the world together. The behaviour of our footballers has come such a long way since the debauchery of the 90s, but some of the fans still have much to learn.

England will make it someday – I know it will. Until then I’m very much of the opinion that if football should ever come home, it will do so like a vampire – once it’s invited! BB x

Half Time

Saturday afternoon finds me out on the side lines, camera in hand, supporting the boys. We put up a valiant fight and place third, thanks to a surprise goal and some seriously impressive goalkeeping. The ball comes my way at some point and I aim to block it, but apparently the ball was way over there and my leg was somewhere else. One of the boys saw fit to rib me about it in house later. I can laugh it off now as I did then. Football has never been my forte, or any other sport for that matter.

Working in a boarding school has got me more invested in sports than I ever was at school. There’s something magnetic about watching your charges do themselves and their team proud, whether they win or lose, that I never really felt when I was obliged to play the game. It’s not that my parents didn’t try to get me into sports when I was younger – goodness knows they tried their best – it’s just that then, as ever, it wasn’t in my interest. Which is why I’m here, not far off the age of thirty, and I still couldn’t name you more than about ten footballers at best. Somewhere along the line it seemed a great deal more important to consign to memory the sight and sound of every single feathered animal in the UK. I guess my excuse for stretching myself thin with the things I do – making music, speaking five languages, writing books and knowing my way around the natural world – might be construed as compensating for the fact that I could never do the one thing that comes naturally to most boys… that is, kicking a ball.

I can’t really remember a great deal about my sports lessons at school. If the truth be told, I’m pretty sure I used what cunning I had back then to wangle my way out of sports for good by the time I was sixteen. I think it was along the lines of “rehearsals for a musical” that I managed to stretch over two years. At least in my first year at school I was given an excuse when an angry sixth former stoved in a few lockers, including mine, with my sports kit trapped blissfully inside. Two memories alone remain: being made to play on through a blizzard in woefully short football kit, and the humiliation of being made to keep attempting the high jump until I was finally able to clear it – by which point it was almost level with the mat. And while I’d normally pull a face at using the same verb twice in succession, “being made to…” sums up my sporting experience pretty well. Understandably, this air-headed naturalist wasn’t ever really at home on the sports pitch.

Which is why it’s all the more surprising to me that I get such a kick out of supporting my boys in their games at the weekend.

Because leopards never change their spots, I turned my camera skywards a couple of times on the buzzards that came drifting over the pitch, as I once did during the summer fixtures a decade ago. Spring is here and the birds are pairing off already. There’s a part of me that sighs, but a sunnier, more hopeful side that smiles, and I cross my fingers and I hope theirs is a successful pairing. Successful being the appropriate word, since happiness seems out of sorts. We still don’t know for sure whether birds feel emotions like we do, but I’d like to think they have something close to it. You see hints every so often that they might: a swallow mourning beside its partner’s tiny body, crows sliding down snow-bound rooves, choughs hurling themselves from great heights seemingly for the sheer thrill of it.

It’s uplifting seeing the smiles on my boys’ faces during a game, and I find myself wondering whether that’s the same electric feeling you get after a concert, or from sighting one of our island’s most beautiful creatures riding the spring thermals. And now the sun is out again, I might just go for another heart-healing walk in the Weald. The forest weaves a magic that never dies. BB x

Diamond in the Rough

This week started just about the same way as every week begins, with me waking up to the sound of my seven o’clock alarm, with the morning’s first class just an hour and a quarter away, and finding myself struck with the weekly conundrum that is ‘now, what am I going to teach today?’.

For the first three weeks I had some stellar lesson plans, but we’re filing into my fifth working week here now (I told you before, my observation week became my first teaching week) and my tried-and-true classes have come and gone. Four down, twenty-seven to go. Since in school I teach across the age-groups, from six to twenty-two, I have to split my material in half depending on their ability, which requires two new lesson plans each week. Not exactly a challenge, per se, especially when several of those are shared between groups, meaning it’s possible (and highly recommended) to recycle material; but it’s a weekly problem, after a weekend spent traveling, partying or what have you, that on Sunday night the question is always there on the tip of my tongue as I bed down for the night. What am I going to teach them today?

Today I thought I’d brave it and try literature on the kids. Foolhardy, I know, especially after my last attempt at sparking some creativity amongst the would-be dullards, but I’m not about to give up on them yet. To spark their interest – and since I’ve just spent most of the weekend reading the tale – I kicked things off by drawing a blackboard-sized Moby Dick on the board, complete with scars, harpoons and rigging. Most of them had heard of it, but understandably, none of them had actually read it.

Well, not quite. One of them had.

I did a little double-take at this and made him explain the plot to the class. The way he put it, in English, a language that is not his own, told the tale better than Herman Manville (personally, I found the text hard-going, turgid even, though the story itself was impeccable). Better yet, he beat me to it and cited Manville as the author. I thought I’d let him sit on his laurels for a while and ask the others for any books they’d read recently, but they just stared blankly at me, as though I’d asked them if they’d like to spend the rest of the day doing quadratics. Moby – the pseudonym I shall forthwith use for this very literate kid – had his hand up the whole time and went on to tell me about Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Jules Verne’s Around the World in Eighty Days and Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart. That he had read them in translation is beside the point. This is a boy of fifteen who’s busy working his way through the classics.

As I was struggling to elicit some kind of interest from the rest of the class – who, as you might expect, were getting visibly bothered by Moby’s contributions – my colleague spent the hour taking notes of other writers that he might enjoy, amongst them Arthur Conan Doyle and Charles Dickens. One of Moby’s companions lost it and complained loudly that it was unfair that only Moby was talking. My colleague and I soundly brought him down a size by repeating that all I was asking for was a story any of them had read, and that as Moby was the only one who was willing to talk, they only had themselves to blame for their silence. I opened the floodgates a little by allowing them to tell me about a film or television series they might have seen, but on that inch they took a mile and missed the point completely; three accounts down the line I had to remind them that match reports, game shows and reality TV are not stories, and consequently didn’t count.

Pushed into a corner, one kid looked very chuffed to say he thought his favourite TV show, a Spanish version of Match of the Day, was far better entertainment than any book he’d ever read. Granted, he probably hasn’t read very widely – I hadn’t at his age – but for good measure I told him that a show where two obnoxious early retirees discuss what happened, what might have happened, what should have happened and what might happen next time in a football match for an entire hour could hardly be as entertaining as a decent read. I could have done worse, of course, but I held back. Most of it went over his head anyway, as it was supposed to. I’m not foolhardy enough to let my personal prejudices against the tedium that is the world of football discussion ruin my relationship with my students, who already know I’m none too keen on it.

As you might have guessed, I was getting pretty frustrated by this point. I’ve learned to mask it after a month of teaching these kids, but it’s still pretty galling when you ask a simple question and all you get in return is twenty-three gormless expressions. But Moby came back with the goods, stating that he hadn’t read any books in English yet, but that over Christmas he was going to try with Tolkein’s The Lord of the Rings. You’ve got to hand it to the kid; starting to read in a foreign language with Tolkein…? That takes guts. My parents are prolific readers and they can’t stand his writing, and sadly they’re not alone (though I, for one, can’t get enough of the stuff).

In the other establishment I work at there are several kids like Moby in every class; students who are well-read, well-cultured and whose English is streets ahead of their companions. It’s the norm in a private school. And teaching in both private and state has its merits. But kids like Moby make the state school experience so much more worthwhile, for all the challenges. Here is a boy who, despite everything, is working his way through the literary greats for the pure pleasure of it, with his mind bent on attending university in Toronto of all places. It’s kids like Moby who remind me just why it is that I love teaching. Because for all the sour looks, disinterest and gossipping that goes on, when there’s at least one kid who’s shining with promise there’s a reason to go on. Obviously you can’t cater to that one child alone – if it were that simple, everyone would want to be a teacher, I think – but as long as you know that what you’re dealing is going towards somebody’s personal development, that’s reward enough for all your travails.

As for me, I’ve got a fair amount of catching up to do. Moby Dick was this weekend’s read; The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Robinson Crusoe await, along with Allan Quatermain (after a two-month hiatus). Maybe I’ll recommend King Solomon’s Mines to Moby when I next get the chance. It’s certainly one of my favourites. BB x