“Con el arroz con leche… Seventeen pounds. Cash or card?”

“Bueno, con tarjeta, si se puede.”

“Uy, perdón. No sabía. Vi tu cara y…”

“Bueno si, es verdad que tengo la cara guiri, y que soy inglis, pero hay que esforzarse un poco al viajar, no?”

“Bien dicho. Pues, la tarjeta aquí… gracias.”

“A usted.”

“Otra vez, perdón. Y por favor, no me vuelvas a llamar ese usted.”

Exchange at the Air Food One, Santiago Airport

When I teach the verb forms in class, I sometimes get asked by my students about usted. Etymologically, I’ve always found it something of a doozy. While I’ve always been rather fond the Arabic origin theory via the phonetically similar “ustaadh” (meaning doctor or teacher), the general consensus (backed up by the RAE) is that it comes from an abbreviation of ‘vuestra merced’, an old honorific meaning “your mercy” or “your worship”. The old way of writing the letter U as V, paired with the increasingly shorter abbreviation to “Vd”, gradually distilled the honorific into a single world, usted, which is now used around the Spanish-speaking world as a polite term of address.

Except in Spain, in my experience, where it’s usually regarded as an affront.

Until this week, I’ve used usted just once in my life, and it was wrong. I’ll admit, I avoided it for years purely out of laziness. Like the French vous, usted requires a different person when addressing somebody: where vous takes the second person plural, usted takes the third person singular. Think of it like a waiter in a very fancy restaurant (“would sir like a bottle of the house wine?”). When you’re learning a language, it’s hard enough to get the tenses right, never mind the societal conditions dictating whether one should use formal or informal speech.

The one time I did experiment with usted, I got laughed out of court. After spending years trying to locate my Spanish family and finally tracking them down to a pueblo de La Mancha (you can read that saga here), I spent a long evening being introduced to my kin. One of my uncles, the venerable Don Augusto, worked in the local bank and seemed to command some sway as one of the family patriarchs. Here, I thought, was a textbook case for usted: a term reserved “for older people and those to whom you want to show more respect”, to quote the oft-used student resource, BBC Bitesize.

Augusto’s response? “Usted? Pero, ¿por qué usted? Somos familia.” Augusto isn’t a blood relation, but that means little in Spain where family is still everything. We had a little laugh about it and I never used usted again.

Until this week, where for whatever reason I’ve been using it daily in my interactions in shops, restaurants and pensiones. I can only assume it’s the subtle influence of my increased use of French, where the polite form is not only more common, but mandatory in certain contexts. The French even have two verbs to distinguish the point when you must use formal speech (vouvoyer) and relax into informal speech (tutoyer).

Latin Americans love their formality. They held onto the deferential vos (a close relation of the French vous) in lieu of tú long after the Spanish gave it up as a lower class symbol, and usted is used all over. Using tú outside of close-knit circles of family and friends is actually considered overly familiar to the point of being vulgar.

But in speech, as in other ways, Latin Americans and Spaniards must not be conflated. The Spaniard’s innate love of familiarity and hostility toward authority make for infertile soil for formal speech. It may have been more common in the last century under the dictatorship, but like much that was once sacred, it is sliding steadily into the void. And is that such a bad thing? Why hold someone at arm’s length when there is a potential friend to be made? Warmer climes make for warmer people, and the Spanish are no exception to that rule whatsoever.

My brief exchange with the tiller at the airport café is a classic example: Spaniards may consider the uninvited use of usted to be an affront, a way of saying “you and I are doing business only, nothing more”. A short soujourn in Morocco, Spain’s southern neighbour and the ancestral home of many of its people, will show you the paramount importance attached to friendly, familiar interactions in even the briefest of dealings: no item can be bought or sold without engaging in witty banter over family and friends over a glass of mint tea. It’s a habit the Spanish have never quite been able to shake, and one that would have been a worthy addition to my EPQ on Spain’s Islamic heritage, had I known about it at the time.

Well, I’ve had my slice of humble pie (or tortilla). It’s back to the books for now. I’ll bow out gracefully, and informally. They seem to prefer things that way here! BB x